The Best Collection of Funny Quotes

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Maggie Stiefvater, Shiver

It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it.

Funny Quote by Maggie Stiefvater, Shiver

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Molly Harper, How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf

Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him.

Funny Quote by Molly Harper, How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf

Friday, November 14, 2014

Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

About adultery: Don’t go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Carnal love: a practical man’s love. A love you can see, touch, and taste if you’re kinky. If you can’t hear it, you’re probably better suited to its more abstract form.

Funny Quote by Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

I made a nap this afternoon. I made it out of two pillows, a bed, a sheet, a blanket, and exhaustion.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Monday, November 3, 2014

Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.


Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

C.C. Hunter, Awake at Dawn

You knocked the door down." Disbelief rang in his matter-of-fact tone.
"I know," she answered,unable to say anything else. Unable to look away from his body.
"But it's solid oak."
"I know." She felt the solid oak beneath her and a little shocked that she'd done it, too. If it mattered at all, her shoulder felt a little bruised. And it was the slight pain that brought some reality back into the moment.
"You don't have any clothes on." Oh, God, did she really say that?

Funny Quote by C.C. Hunter, Awake at Dawn

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Richelle Mead, The Fiery Heart

Somehow, Sydney had an internal clock that told her when time was up. I think it was part of her inherent ability to keep track of a hundred things at once. Not me. In these moments, my thoughts were usually focused on getting her shirt off and whether I’d get past the bra this time. So far, I hadn’t.

Funny Quote by Richelle Mead, The Fiery Heart

Friday, October 31, 2014

Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha’s eyes out with my love poems.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

So,” sneered Fudge, recovering himself, “you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores, and myself single-handed, do you, Dumbledore?”
“Merlin’s beard, no,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “Not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.”
“He will not be single-handed!” said Professor McGonagall loudly, plunging her hand inside her robes.
“Oh yes he will, Minerva!” said Dumbledore sharply. “Hogwarts needs you!

Funny Quote by J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Eating a plain bagel with no cream cheese is like eating the inner tube of a bicycle tire, and I’d rather ride my roller skates to work.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Friday, October 24, 2014

Rachel Caine, Ghost Town

Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”

“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity.

Funny Quote by Rachel Caine, Ghost Town

Monday, October 20, 2014

Hergé, The Shooting Star

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!

Funny Quote by Hergé, The Shooting Star

Rachel Vincent, Rogue

I laughed. It was just like Owen to make excuses for someone else’s shortcomings. Even fictional characters. Owen found my tendency to speak my mind “refreshingly honest,” and hailed Marc’s temper as “a deep protective instinct.” He said Ethan “thoroughly enjoyed life,” and that Parker “really knew how to have a good time.” According to Owen, we were all doing just fine, and all was right with the world.

Funny Quote by Rachel Vincent, Rogue

Haven Kimmel, Girl Named Zippy: Growing Up Small in Mooreland, Indiana

That cat doesn't have a lick of sense,' I said, sighing.

Well, honey, he's not right in the head,' Dad said, flipping his cigarette into the front yard.

I glared at him. 'And just what do you mean by that?'

Dad counted on his fingers. 'He's cross-eyed; he jumps out of trees after birds and then doesn't land on his feet; he sleeps with his head smashed up against the wall, and the tip of his tail is crooked.'

Oh yeah? Well, how about this: he once got locked in a basement by evil Petey Scroggs in the middle of January and survived on snow and little frozen mice. When I'm cold at night he sleeps right on my face. Of that whole litter of kittens he came out of he's the only one left. One of his brothers didn't even have a butthole.'

I stand corrected. PeeDink is a survivor.

Funny Quote by Haven Kimmel, Girl Named Zippy: Growing Up Small in Mooreland, Indiana

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