The Best Collection of Funny Quotes

Monday, October 20, 2014

Hergé, The Shooting Star

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!

Funny Quote by Hergé, The Shooting Star

Rachel Vincent, Rogue

I laughed. It was just like Owen to make excuses for someone else’s shortcomings. Even fictional characters. Owen found my tendency to speak my mind “refreshingly honest,” and hailed Marc’s temper as “a deep protective instinct.” He said Ethan “thoroughly enjoyed life,” and that Parker “really knew how to have a good time.” According to Owen, we were all doing just fine, and all was right with the world.

Funny Quote by Rachel Vincent, Rogue

Haven Kimmel, Girl Named Zippy: Growing Up Small in Mooreland, Indiana

That cat doesn't have a lick of sense,' I said, sighing.

Well, honey, he's not right in the head,' Dad said, flipping his cigarette into the front yard.

I glared at him. 'And just what do you mean by that?'

Dad counted on his fingers. 'He's cross-eyed; he jumps out of trees after birds and then doesn't land on his feet; he sleeps with his head smashed up against the wall, and the tip of his tail is crooked.'

Oh yeah? Well, how about this: he once got locked in a basement by evil Petey Scroggs in the middle of January and survived on snow and little frozen mice. When I'm cold at night he sleeps right on my face. Of that whole litter of kittens he came out of he's the only one left. One of his brothers didn't even have a butthole.'

I stand corrected. PeeDink is a survivor.

Funny Quote by Haven Kimmel, Girl Named Zippy: Growing Up Small in Mooreland, Indiana

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Criss Jami

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about.

Funny Quote by Criss Jami

Friday, October 17, 2014

Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster

I had died and woken up in High School Musical

Funny Quote by Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Every relationship is a tug of war, and I hope the scaffold wins.

Funny Quote by Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Will Rogers

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

Funny Quote by Will Rogers

Monday, October 13, 2014

William Shakespeare, Henry V

[Thine] face is not worth sunburning.

Funny Quote by William Shakespeare, Henry V

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.


Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Lovers are like lawyers: each manipulates the evidence as much as possible to outwit their opponent in the eyes of all. When the woman or defense attorney gets the upper hand, the result is dismissal.

Funny Quote by Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

We had a blast at my magical birthday party. There were midgets, fairies, glass slippers, and I actually got to ride in a pumpkin.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Passion is when a person all of a sudden becomes terribly important. It is even more unfair when they become memorable.

Funny Quote by Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Monday, September 22, 2014

Jarod Kintz, $3.33

I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Veronica Roth, Insurgent

Be careful, though."
"Aren't I always?"
"No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless.

Funny Quote by Veronica Roth, Insurgent

Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena

We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking.

Funny Quote by Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena

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