The Best Collection of Funny Quotes

Friday, August 29, 2014

Jarod Kintz, I Should Have Renamed This

The silence protrudes like an engorged stomach, while I ponder the thought of trying to sit on my own lap.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, I Should Have Renamed This

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Sherrilyn Kenyon, No Mercy

Boy, you knock on the devil's door and he will head slam you through the wall.

Funny Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon, No Mercy

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead.

Funny Quote by Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Natsuki Takaya

Hatsuharu Sohma: [after tripping Kyo] If I hadn't had tripped you, you wouldn't have stopped now would you.
[addressing the audience]
Hatsuharu Sohma: By the way what I just did was very dangerous. And if it had been anyone but Kyo they probably would have been hurt pretty badly, so don't try it at home.
Kyo Sohma: Don't try it here and who are you even talking to?

Funny Quote by Natsuki Takaya

Friday, August 22, 2014

Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

I once made love to a taco shell stuffed with rancid meat and watery tomato bits. It was the best sex I’ve ever served to an unsuspecting customer. 


Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Sarah Mayberry, Her Best Friend

She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot.

Funny Quote by Sarah Mayberry, Her Best Friend

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Jarod Kintz, I Should Have Renamed This

I have a friend who got into a car accident and now has a prosthetic metal leg, metal pins in his hips, and a metal plate in his head. One time I told him that he was like a human Swiss Army knife, to which he replied, “I’m Belgian.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, I Should Have Renamed This

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Dance like there’s nobody watching. Or filming. Never mind that creepy guy in the corner with the camcorder. Just keep dancing.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Friday, August 8, 2014

Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

If I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and they wanted to know why I looked so familiar, I'd respond in a raspy voice, "Your brother ran over my brother.

Funny Quote by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

Kiersten White, Supernaturally

Marry me. Nay, marriage will cost us precious moments together. Let us make sweet, passionate love right here. Let me bear your children.”
A primal growl signaled Miss Lynn getting over her shock at being thus addressed. She lunged forward; Jack deftly rolled off the bench, jumping up out of her reach.
“Goodness, I didn’t expect you to be quite this enthusiastic about my advances. If I don’t play hard to get, how will I ever know whether or not you respect me?

Funny Quote by Kiersten White, Supernaturally

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

I'm tired, I'm hungry and I have a head in a bag," I warned him. "Do not fuck with me.

Funny Quote by Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

Dakota Cassidy, The Accidental Werewolf

She was hearing the words. They just weren't registering on her Richter scale of sanity.

Funny Quote by Dakota Cassidy, The Accidental Werewolf

Powered by Blogger.

© 2011 The Best Collection of Funny Quotes , AllRightsReserved. Supported by Happiness Quotes|Motivational Quotes|Family Quotes